Interview With Jakey and The Cullen Boys
by iWantJacobBlack
Summary: An interesting interview between the crowd , Jakey , The Cullen Boys , and maybe others !
1. Chapter 1

**Interview With Jakey and The Cullen Boys(:**

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**Character List(:**

**EC- Edward Cullen**

**JH- Jasper Hale**

**EM- Emmett Cullen**

**JB- Jacob Black**

**IWJB- Jolie**

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**IWJB- **Hello all , and welcome to today's interview with the Cullen boys and Jacob Black ! First we can all say hello , and then I will get right to the questions !

**EC- **Hello everyone . I am Edward Cullen . Please refrain from calling me Eddie like my brothers…

**JH- **Good morning to you ma'm and to ya'll too .

**EM- **HEEEEEEEEY ! WHAT'S UP DUUUUDES ? ARE YOU READY FOR ME TO ROCK THIS INTERVIEWWWW ?

**Team EM- **AHHHHHHHH WE LOOOVE YOUUU ! CAN YOU TAKE OFF YOUR SHIRT SEXY ?

**IWJB- ** Ladies… Please SHUT THE FUCK UP ! *Team EM shuts up* Thaaaanks guys ! okayyy… moving on !

**JB- **Heey . ummm … I'm Jacob Black or… Jake ? haha . whatever … and Jolie , baby , you can call me anything ya want . *grins and winks at Jolie*

**IWJB- ** *almost faints * okay baby cakes *leans over from chair to quickly kiss her Jakey Poo* uummm… moving on . First of all , Emmett an –

**Team EM- ** AHHHHHHHHH ! GOOOOOO EMMMMMETTTT ! MR. SEXXXY PANTS !

*Rosalie is sitting in crowd . hisses at all of the girls … and guys ? *

**IWJB- **SHUUUUT UP ! okay . Emmett and…. *sharp glare at Team EM* Jasper . Why do you enjoy harassing Edward .

**JH- **Weeeell . I think we do it because when we take our jokes seriously they may get to dangerous for any ordinary human . We enjoy playing pranks on EDDIE ! OHHH ! Emmett ! Remember the time we took half of Eddie's classical CD collection and burned them . We did that all because Eddie wouldn't leave for our special night at home with our women . He refused to leave . It's hard to keep your thoughts to yourself on nights like those . Ummm… Eddie … we're sorry … !

**EM- ** EDDDDIIIE ! MY MAAAAAN ! PLEEEEASE FORGIVE USSSS ! I KNOW HOW MUCH MORE CAPABLE YOU ARE AT PRANKING USSS ! IT GETS SOOOO SCARRRY ! I DIDN'T WANT TO DO IT ! JASPER MADE ME WITH HIS FREAKY MIND POWEEEEERS ! HE IS DEVIOUS !

**EC- ***silence . death stare *

**IWJB- **Okay . Interesting … So Edward … I thought about this long and hard but , why were you so obsessed with Bella. I know you wanted her smell , but other than that … I never could find a reason for you to like her …

**EC- ** I guess you're right . It never made since to me until Carly came into my life . I finally realized that I only wanted her scent . But with Carly , I love her scent and her personality and everything about her . I also want her … in bed . We are getting married again to re-celebrate our love for each other ! You're invited !

**IWJB- ** That's sooo cool ! AWWW ! I am reaaally happy for you guys ! We can talk about this more later ! Next question . Jaaaaaaaakey babyyyy ! It's youuuur tuuurn ! I reeeaally would like to know what kind of boxers you weeear !

**JB-** Baby , it's a waste of clothing . With the whole werewolf thing and all of you … *stops talking to stare at Jolie and think of dirty things* I don't wear any .

**IWJB- ** That's a turn on … * Hops out of chair and jumps onto Jacob* I LOOOVE YOU ! *Makes out with Jacob without breathing for a while* we have to stop the interview … I need you …

**JB- **Babe , it's your job . Ya hafta finish . *Leans in to whisper * Then we can go to my car and get it on .

**EC- **ehhhhhm …

**IWJB- ***Pulls away from Jacob , panting* OH MY GOSH … sorry guys … *stands up , straightens out clothes , sits back down * Okay . Emmett , what were you doing at 3 a.m. this morning ?

**EM- ** ROSALIIIEEEEE ! YEAAAAH BUDDDYY !

**IWJB- ** Go figure . Jasper , do you ever mess with Edward's emotions ? Like have you ever used the feeling of lust to mess with him ?

**JH- **Actually , yes . This one time when Rosalie dropped her phone I had been sending out the feeling of lust and Edward was right by her . The lust hit him instantly and he slapped her ass as she bent over to pick up the phone . Then when Rosalie stood up and the lust had hit her too , she started making out with Edward . They almost started going at it hardcore before I could stop it . They were both really pissed at me but it was worth it . Luckily Emmett thought it was a turn on and took Rose to bed right after that . I happily lived that daaay !

**IWJB- **hahaha ! That is soooooo funny ! I would have loved to see that !

**JH- **Oh . You can ! Alice got it on video ! She knew it was going to happen ! She left the house for the day so Eddie wouldn't know what she was thinking . She left the video camera running and went shopping . I didn't even know it was going to happen ! She just told me she knew when she came home .

**IWJB- ** Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice ! On that note … Eddi- Edward , blondes or brunettes ?

**EC- **Brunettes , but I have been with a few dark blondes in my time . Just no red heads or bright blondes … I will have to say that time we just talked about with Rose and I was quite enjoyable . She's a good kisser Em ! You're lucky ! But ya know …. Carly is the best in bed and at making out. AND SHE'S ALLLL MIIIIINE BITCHES !

**IWJB- ** Ha . Okay . Ummm weeeell that's all the time we have for today guuuys ! *turns and looks at Jacob* Now I need to deal with youuu *winks*

**JB- **Come here sexy . *pulls Jolie on top of him and they make out until everyone is done getting pictures and leaves. Then they run into the dressing room and happily get it on ! *

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**Thanks guys . I just wanted to let you all know that if you p.m. me or comment a question , I will put it up in the next one ! I will put your name to give you credit ! remember you are the audience ! revieeeeeeew pleaaase ! Hope you enjoyed ! Oh , and I don't own anything ! LOOOOVE YOU ALLLL !  
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	2. Chapter 2

**I do not own any of these characters !**

Characters:

EC- Edward Cullen

BS- Bella Swan

GW- Ginny Weasely

Aro(speaker) and Volturi

EM- Emmett Cullen

RH- Rosalie Hale

HG- Hermione Granger

Jay Sean, Sean Paul, and Lil Jon

JH- Jasper Hale

AC- Alice Cullen

RW- Ron Weasely

IWSB- iWantSparklyBabies (carly)

CC- Carlisle Cullen

ES- Esme Cullen

HP- Harry Potter

JB- Jacob Black

TE(G)- Team Edward (Girl)

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Ch.2**

**IWJB- **Heeeey everyone ! Welcome back ! Today we will continue with mooore questions ! First , Edward . There are a lot of rumors that you think Emmett has a nice ass … and it is as smooth as a cow's nutsack . Is this true ?

**EC-** WHAT THE FUCK , NO ! I CLEARLY REMEMBER SAYING THAT TO EMMETT ABOOOOOUT JASPER ! oh shit … I'm not gay .

**JB-** The first step in being gay is denial . You have to openly tell us . We will accept you .

**EM- **WE ? I don't want no gaaaay Eddie livin' in my house !

**IWJB-** Good to know … well …. On that note …

**EM- **I'm horny for Jasper ….

**EC- **Who's horny for Eddie ?

*Carly (iWantSparklyBabies) runs in and screaaaams … *

**IWSB- **I AM HORNY FOR YOUUUUUU !

**IWJB- **GUYS, KEEP YOUR PANTS ON ! NEXT QUESTION ! NOW SHUT UP ! Emmett, what is a typical day for you ?

**EM- **Beating everyone at arm wrestling, sparkling, NOT BEING GAAAAAY LIKE EDDIE * winks at Edward * , and not eating people . In the evening or when no one is home but Rose and I, we have some fun... If you know what I mean .

**IWJB- **That's great . Ummmm... Edward ? I have some questions for you . Are you gay ?

**ED- **No.

**IWJB- **Have you ever been gay ?

**ED- **No.

**IWJB- **Are you planning on being gay in the future ?

**ED- **Ummm... no ?

**IWJB- **Have you told your parents that you are gay ?

**ED- ** NO ! NOW QUIT WITH THE QUESTIONS ON ASSUMING MY GAYNESS !

**IWJB- ** You just admitted you were gay …

*Esme stands up from the audience *

**ESME- **Edward, honey . It's fine . Don't have a melt-down . I love you !

**JH- **Can we just move on ? I'd prefer that we don't all have to listen to Edward blubber like a freaking lady on her damn period .

**EM- **I think Edward would look good if he was gay . Why is everyone straight ? Maybe the Cullen Boys should be gay . Except for Carlisle … That would be weird .

*Bella is in the audience and rudely interupts *

**BS**- Why does every girl and/or guy think they can take Edward from me?

**IWSB**- BECAUSE WE CAN, BITCH ! I WILL TAKE YOU DOWN, WHORE !

**TE**- WE LOVE YOU, EDWARD !

**TEG**- GET HER, GIRLS !

**TE**- *Scream and violently pull Bella's hair *

**IWSB**- I got her! * Smiles triumphantly * I love you, boo. * Flashes sexy smile towards Edward*

**EC**- Ummm... Bella is gone, right ?

**IWJB**- Yeah...

**EC**- I love you, Carly ! Let's have angry sex !

**IWSB**- It's the only kind I know...

**IWJB**- Guys ! Ewwwww. Keep your pants on ! Let's invite the rest of the Cullens up ! Why don't we add the wolf pack, Volturi, along with Harry Potter and his crew ?

**AC**- Hey, guys ! Ooooooo ! Nice shirt, Harry.

**HP**- Thanks . Hermione said the laser yellow would bring out my eyes .

**AC**- Well, it's working ! Keep up the work . * Whispers * I wonder what color Jasper would look good ON ? Since he's on my bed usually … I think I'm going to get black silk sheets . His white skin would contrast quite well...

**IWJB**- Hey, Alice ? Can you come back to us ? We would like to move on . None of us would like to think about you and Jasper's sex life at home...

* Everyone except Alice and Jasper shudder *

**RH**- Let's talk about sex . Alice and Jasper, what is your favorite position ?

**JH**- Is that a necessary question, Rose ?

**RH**- Why, yes it is . I hear you two getting it on like it's nobody's business all the time . You two are very loud .

**EC**- AND YOUAND EMMETT AREN'T ? You and Emmett are louder than a choir of angels praising God while a herd of elephants trample on by ! … and people scream in hell !

**EM**- Rose is good at-

**CC**- STOP IT !

**ES**- *Esme puts edginess in her voice * Oh, let them continue, honey . I would like to know what my children like and do . Even if it has to do with sex .

*Carlisle falls out of chair, stumbles towards Esme, grabs her hand, and pulls her off the stage *

**IWJB**- I think we all know where they were going . Now Harry and Ginny, do you use condoms ?

**GW**- I like to like use them to make balloony animals . Are they for like something else that I don't like know about ?

**HP**- Yeah... They are for protected sex. That's why we haven't done it yet . She keeps ripping them .

**RW**- Hermione has condoms with her ! Just in case .

**HG**- RON ! Those aren't for anyone but you, Draco, and I .

**HP**- LET'S ALL TAKE A TRIP TO HORNYWARTS !

**BS**- NO ! TOO MUCH MAGICAL SHIT !

* Harry waves wand . All appear at Hogwarts A.K.A. Hornywarts *

**EC**- Where's that sexy Dumbledore ? He always has enough of that viagra . One time, I had too much and my penis wouldn't get soft . * Suggestive glance towards Carly * So, Dumbledore took me to the nurse and she gave me condoms . Then, Dumbledore and the nurse fixed my little problem .

**IWJB**- Did you all know the Volturi are here ? They are in that corner planning something . It's kinda freaky . Let me go interview them . *IWJB walks over to Volturi * What are you planning ?

*Volturi guys cover themselves up with their robes and turn around *

**Aro**- Ummm... hello, young one . We weren't all getting handjobs from Jane . FYI .

**IWSB**- That kinda makes me want to have some fun... this beat is sick . I wanna take a ride on your disco stick .

**RW**- There is no music, hoe . What beat ?

**IWSB**- It's in my head .

**RW**- In your bed ?

**IWSB**- No, in my head . Like the song .

**RW**- Oh . I haven't heard that song in a while . I liked it .

**HG**- Yeah, me too . It's really catchy .

**IWJB**- This is an interview . Do you rememberrrrrrr ?

*Jay Sean , Lil Jon, and Sean Paul come by and sing Do You Remember?*

**IWJB**- STOP WITH THE DAMN SONGS !

**Lil Jon**- BRING IT BACK ! BRING IT BACK ! BRING IT BACK ! *Do You Remember referenced and they moonwalk back to where they came from *

**IWJB**- *stressed out * Harry , would you be a dear and take us back to the set ?

**HP**- MOST DEFINITELY ! I LOVE USING MAGIC WHILE UNDERAGED !

**IWJB**- Ohkkay, now that we are back and took that little adventure, shall we move on ? Emmett, what would I find in your bathroom right now ?

**EM**- … Sex toys … for me … not Rosalie … She keeps hers somewhere else .

**IWJB**- Interesting . Jasper . If you were a type of food, what would you be ? Please pick a human food and not the human food you're thinking of .

**JH**- I would have to pick tacos because they are all mexicany . I love Mexicans !

**IWJB**- NICE ! Rosalie, I hope this question won't upset you , but if you only had 8 years left to live, what would you do ?

**RH**- I would adopt a daughter . I would pick out a special one that is old enough to understand me and then raise her to have her own family .

**IWJB**- AWWWW ! That is sooo sweet ! Next ! Alice, what would you do if you won $20 million ?

**AC**- I would definitely go buy clothes, cars, and shoes .

**IWJB**- Is it possible that I could come with ?

**AC**- YEEEEEEEEEEEEES ! OHHHHH YES !

**GW**- That was kinda sexual...

**IWJB**- I agree … I also think the Volturi left … *looks out to audience to find everyone becoming newborns* hmmm … Well, I think it's about time to go . Thanks guys ! Come back next time !

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COMMENT , RATE AND REVIEW, GUYS ! thanks(: hope you laughed a lot (: suggestions ? love you !

-jolie


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